Scattered, but for the right reasons.

Scattered, but for the right reasons.

So when I sat down to write this, I wasn’t sure what I would be writing about. A lot has happened in the last week and a half, and it has not been easy to come to grips with all of it.

I’ve been working on the deck, and the new laser cutter/cnc platform. I’ve also put in some time on a new set of bookcases for my daughter, and some thought time in on the secret project. In addition, I have been learning Angular JS, and trying to find some time to dedicate to that so that I can both be ready for it when the time comes to use it at work, but it also seems like a great framework to use for a few personal projects.

While this may seem like a lot, it’s only been done in fits and starts given the other things going on in my life at home. I say other things, but really, it’s one thing. My father-in-law was in the hospital for that time, and it was very nerve wracking since when we took him in we weren’t sure about how things would turn out.

He’s a strong man, and generous. If you met him, you would never forget him, and you would remember the experience fondly. He has a knack of making everyone around him smile. He’s also one of the most stubborn people I know.

So I know you are wondering a few things. How he is doing. Why do I think he’s stubborn. What happens next.

He’s doing well now. He is in his 70’s, and needs to take care of himself. Like most of us want to lose weight, or get something fixed on our own bodies, but put off or don’t put in serious effort on, he is the same. At his age though, his body needs more attention than, say, mine. (By the way, I’ve lost weight and have been below 200 lbs for a while now, for the first time in several years.)

He really wants to live at his home, to have his freedom to do what he wants. He can’t do it all by himself anymore though. So we’ve opened up our home to him, made the office into a bedroom and moved the office to the basement. He’s proud, did I mention that? He thinks this is an imposition to us, but it really isn’t. It will certainly be an adjustment, but this is the man who let Erin and I stay in his home for a year, bought Erin a car, and helped out with diapers for my kids. I feel I owe him, but more importantly, he is my family, and I don’t turn my back on family.

I want him with us. To live there, join us for dinner, be a closer part of the family. I would do this for anyone I considered family. What I am afraid of though, is that he won’t stay.

His first night was last night, and it was good, but not perfect. The dog whined to get into his room, she loves him and loves to sleep near the people of the family. Roomba started up at 6am, waking him up. Who wouldn’t when a robotic vacuum starts cleaning at 6am? Add to that the normal getting the kids to school process, and I’m sure he wasn’t still sleeping when we left. I hope things go well for him today.

I also hope that he is going to settle in, and stay. Erin is afraid he will stay a few days, but then go home. If he does that, we both fear for what will happen next. He got much better in the hospital, but we can’t monitor him and take care of him as well when he is there. We both have lives, and travelling to his house on a regular basis is something we just can’t do.
If any of you out there have gone through, or are going through similar things, I would love to hear about them. Perhaps together we can all learn from each other, and make things like this a little smoother.I don’t really have the last question answered of yours, sorry. I don’t know how it will turn out. If I did, I would be in a much better place. Right now, I am living day to day, and put a few projects on hold to get things done to get him set up. I hope this weekend makes up for the chaos of the last week and I can get caught up, but I am doubtful.


One response to “Scattered, but for the right reasons.”

  1. Ah, David. We all have the privilidge of going through these trying times if we are so blessed by our own age and ability. It was only 4 years ago that we had this slow dance with Mom, as she spiraled into forever without us. Proud lady? Yep, She never wanted to be a burden to us, the nursing staff, the home health care workers, anybody. Visited every day, yep. Keep her here with us…nope. Really, no one does. Sometimes they physically go, right away. No long good-byes, just here one day, gone the next.. Otherwise it is a very slow, grinding process with life’s abilities bowing out daily, a sadder outcome, as I can tell you. This was Dad’s fate, only ending last year. When he first needed hospital care, it was with his bitter reluctance to give up anything. He would have willingly, laughingly gone once more up on the roof to get some U.F.O. at the behest on any one of us. Talk about 70-going-on-16! But he did make it home, if only for a few months, then he fell. Those words say so much to those of us who are on any square of this road…when you are a baby learning to walk, falling is to be expected. It is primordeal, inherent in the learning experience. But, like rocket ships, what goes up, must come down. SO in later life begins the fall. A small trip at the stoop of the door, the stumble getting out of the car. His biggie was a full header into the bathroom sink, leaving him bruised and unconscious, needing the ambulance. He, and we, were out of choices. He handed me the keys to his big Crown Victoria, and started by saying “I will want you to run some errands for me while I am cooped up in here.” The dance, the slow dance, had begun. P.T. physical therapy started, stopped briefly for a visitor, Pneumonia came to call. He got through that. It only took about 8 months, just a stop over, really. Then came repeated falls. It was discovered that his vertabra, cracked and miss-aligned by his job of over 30 years as a milk deliverey driver, was encroaching in on the spinal column.. The subsequent nerve pinches could lay him flat at any unexpected twich. Did I want him to come to be wth us at the end? ABSOLUTELY! Would he comply? Of course not. Above all things he was true to himself, and over 70 years of taking care of himself, by himself, was not going to change. Strict independence was his motto. Jessica joked that on a certain Saturday they were going to fool everyone. She’d get Vicky (the Crown Vic) and a wheel chair, and they would bust him out of this clap-trap establishment. IT WAS A MISSION FROM GOD. We actually thought it would be great for the two of them, a nice safe drive with the Granddaughter. That Saturday we got a police officer at our home. Not to tell us about dad’s earthly escape, but his spiritual one. Seems he got the day right for launching into the forever-after, just the mode was wrong. But that was dad.
    So if your Faher in law seems to want to go and do it his way, you can only present the pros and cons of the decision making process. Maybe get him a “Life-alert” thingy. But this is his show, and unless he asks, just keep out of his way. These are the dance steps he should figure out for himself, and you know what? This side of mental stability,I bet he does just fine. You on the other hand are going to have hands full with wife and daughters. We women always take it hard.

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